


Sincerely, Me

by benblatt



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Crushing, Gay, Its really gay, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Rated T for swearing, Secret Admirer, are you surprised though, i'll add more as i write more - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:48:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26516959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/benblatt/pseuds/benblatt
Summary: Evan has a not-so-secret admirer. Well, not-so-secret to everyone but him.
Relationships: Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy
Comments: 2
Kudos: 43





	1. note 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi!   
> long time no see :)

"Evan, honey, you need to wake up. It's time for school." The blond felt someone shake his shoulder, waking him up. He groaned, guarding his eyes from the bright light with his arm. He sits up and stretches. He opens his eyes to see his mom sitting on the edge of his bed.

"It's your first day of senior year, Evan! How do you feel?"

"Tired." Evan yawns. His mom smiles softly at him, patting his shoulder before standing up. 

"Well, if you want me to drive you still then go get ready. Unless you wanna take the bus."

Evan immediately perks up at that. "I'm up."

His mom smiles. "That's what I thought. I'll go pack your lunch."

She leaves the room, leaving Evan alone to get ready. He stands up and walks into the bathroom to shower. He turns on the water and strips his clothes, pointedly avoiding the mirror.

He hates the mirror. It reminds him of everything wrong with him, like his broken arm.

He wraps his cast in a plastic bag and steps into the shower. Evan stands under the hot water, letting it run down his back and get his hair wet.

The last thing Evan wanted to do was go back to school. 

School meant anxiety, new people, having to find somewhere to sit at lunch, Jared making fun of him, (he's definitely gonna have a field day when he sees Evan's arm), and having to deal with his stupid crush on Connor Murphy.

He's had a crush on Connor since the middle of junior year. The teacher paired the two of them together for a group project, and Evan learned that Connor Murphy wasn't as bad as everyone set him out to be. He could be funny when he wanted to, and offered to speak during their presentation so Evan didn't have to. Not to mention, he's really attractive. 

Like, really, really attractive. 

On the other side, school also meant he could see his friends, Alana and Zoe. Him and Alana became friends sophomore year, when she had saw he was sitting alone at lunch and decided to join him. Then during their junior year, Alana convinced Evan to volunteer at a jazz band event where the two of them met Zoe. Ever since then, the three became good friends.

Evan reaches over and grabs the shampoo bottle, pouring some on his hand and washing his hair. He rinses it out and puts in some conditioner. He lets it sit while he washes his body with soap, and stands under the shower head to rinse it all off.

Once he gets all of the soap off his body and conditioner out of his hair, he turns the shower off and grabs the towel on the towel rack. He dries his hair and body, wrapping the towel around himself. He steps out of the shower and takes the plastic bag off his arm. He places it on the sink to deal with later and heads back into his room.

Evan opens one of his drawers, grabbing socks and underwear. He walks over to his closet, opening it and looking through his shirts. He decides to wear a blue polo shirt and some khakis. He's really giving Jared more material to make fun of him with.

"Come on Evan, we have to leave soon!" the blond quickly throws on his clothes and grabs his shoes. He shoves them onto his feet before grabbing his phone and backpack. He leaves his room, closing the door behind him and walking down the stairs.

"What's for breakfast?"

"I toasted you some pop tarts, if that's alright."

"Thanks mom." Evan grabs one of the pop tarts and yelps. "Ow! Hot!"

Heidi shakes her head, laughing quietly. "They just came out of the toaster. That's why they were on a napkin."

Evan blushes and grabs the paper towel, wrapping the pop tarts in them. He looks at his mom and she raises her eyebrow. "Ready?"

Evan nods. Heidi grabs her purse and opens the front door. Evan follows her, walking out and locking the door behind her. She starts the car and puts her seat belt on. Evan slides into the passenger seat, putting his backpack on the floor and buckling his seat belt.

"You locked the door, right?"

"Yeah." Heidi nods and pulls out of the driveway. She starts the route to the school while Evan stares out the window.

"You excited yet?"

"No."

Heidi frowns. When she's at a red light, she opens the glove department and grabs a black sharpie. She hands it to Evan, who looks at her in confusion.

"Try and ask someone to sign your cast. I'm sure Jared would be happy to!"

"Uh, yeah. I'll ask."

His mom smiles and turns into the school when the light turns green. She stops in front of the school, turning to face her son. "I'll pick you up for your appointment after school, okay?"

Evan nods, unbuckling his seatbelt and getting out of the car. He grabs his backpack and puts it on his shoulders. "Okay. Bye mom."

"Bye honey!" Evan closes the door and watches as his mom drives off. He takes a deep breath before walking into the school. He starts to head towards his locker when someone stops in front of him.

"Dude, what happened to your arm?"

Evan makes eye contact with Jared. "I, uh, broke it."

Jared rolls his eyes. "Yeah, no shit. I mean how? Jer-"

Evan knew where this was gonna go, so he quickly cut him off. "I fell out of a tree."

"A tree?" Jared starts to laugh. "What are you, an acorn?"

The blond turns bright red. "Anyways,"

"Hey look, it's Connor Murphy!" Jared cuts him off. Evan whips his head over, to see Connor glaring at Jared.

"What do you want, Kleinman?"

Jared furrows his eyebrows and looks at his nails. They're black, and look freshly painted. "Nice nails."

Connor rolls his eyes. "Thanks."

The taller looks over and makes eye contact with Evan. His gaze softens a bit, and he gives him a small smile. Evan returns it before the other turns back around and starts in the direction of the library. Evan found out that it was Connor's favorite place to go during school.

"What was that?" 

Evan turned back to Jared. "What was what?"

"That," Jared waves his hand. "Exchange."

"What about it?" Evan furrows his eyebrows in confusion.

"You guys were radiating, like, gay energy."

Evan turns bright red. "Jared! T-That doesn't even make sense!"

"Uh, yeah, it does. It means-"

"Will you sign my cast?" Evan promptly cuts him off.

"What?"

"M-My cast. Will you sign it?"

Jared laughed. "Dude, we're family friends. Ask one of your girlfriends to sign it or something."

"Oh, uh, right. Sorry." Evan bites his lip. He stands there awkwardly as Jared looks around. 

"I'm gonna go see my camp friends. See you." Jared walks towards a group of people before Evan can reply. 

The blond sighs and turns around, finally going to his locker. When he opens it, a piece of paper falls out and onto the floor. He leans down and picks it up, finding a note on it.

**hey.**

**i don't have the courage yet to tell you face to face, so i thought a note would work for now.**

**i have a crush on you. like, i want to hug you and kiss your face and hold you or whatever.**

**think of this as a secret admirer, i guess.**

**i don't want you to know who i am yet. so this will have to do. maybe in the future you'll find out.**

**sincerely, me.**

Evan's eyes widened as he kept rereading the note. Someone liked him? Wanted to hold him, hug him, kiss him? His face was bright red as he stuffed the note into his pocket.

The ending of the note stuck out to him. Sincerely, me. That's what his therapist letters always ended off with. He had only told three people himself, Alana, Zoe and Connor. He told Connor when they were in the library for their project one time, and he had to finish writing one. Jared had also found out, since he saw one of the letters when Evan had to print it out. This ruled out Evan knowing who it was, because he knew that Jared probably told half the school.

Evan groaned as he put his books into his locker. He knew it was probably a joke, but he still had a small sliver of hope that it wasn't. That maybe someone actually did think about him like that.

The bell rung, bringing him out of his thoughts. He quickly shut the door to his locker, turning around to walk to his period.

He really hopes the note isn't a joke. He needs at least one normal thing in his life.


	2. note 2&3

The next note comes two days after school started.

**your arm. what happened to it? i hope you're okay.**

**i wish i could come up and talk to you, but i'm too afraid. besides, i doubt you'd actually want to talk anyways.**

**sincerely, me**

Evan looks down at his cast, which now had two small signatures on them. Alana and Zoe had signed it during lunch, but those were the only things on it. The blond stared at the note for a minute before grabbing a piece of paper and ripping the corner off.

_I would love to talk to you. :)_

He places the note carefully between the slot in his locker. He made it so that when his secret admirer came to put the next note in, they would see it, but no one else would.

Now, to hope his next note was sooner rather than later.

\--

The next time Evan opens his locker, he found a note on top of one of his books. It probably fell there when it was slipped in, meaning it was most likely from his secret admirer.

**i don't think you would. once you get to know the real me, you'll leave. they always do.**

**sincerely, me**

Evan frowns as he read the note. It only made him want to get to know his secret admirer more.

_How do you know?_

Evan grabs his math book and closes his locker, putting the note back where he had the first time. He locks it and turned around, coming face to face with Zoe and Alana.

"Evan!" Alana exclaims. Evan smiles widely at his friends.

"Hey guys." Zoe looks over at the slip of paper in the slot of his locker.

"What's that?"

"Oh, uh," Evan steps in front of his locker. "It's nothing!"

Zoe and Alana share a look. Evan bites his lip, avoiding eye contact. The last thing he wants to explain is the notes.

"Okay." Zoe said after a moment. Evan let out a sigh of relief as quietly as possible. "So, do you guys wanna go to the library after school? We can do homework or just hang out."

Alana nods. "Sure. Evan?"

"Yeah, uh, I'll be there."

Zoe smiles. "Cool. Is it okay if I invite Connor too? I'm gonna try and force him to do his homework or something."

The other two nod, and Evan tries his best not to blush too hard. Alana notices, but doesn't say anything about it. Instead, she smiles at them and wraps her arms around her friends shoulders.

The three stand around and talk a bit longer before the bell rings. Zoe and Alana wave goodbye and head in the direction of their sixth period.

Evan had math next, which was one of the classes he shared with Connor. He also shared it with Jared, but he didn't see him at school this morning. The blond walks into the classroom, sitting in his regular seat in the back. Connor walks in a minute later, getting there just in time. He slumps into his normal seat, which was in front of Evan.

The teacher starts to talk about the assignment for the day, and leaves the students to finish the worksheet on their own. Evan bites his lip before reaching over and tapping on Connor's shoulder. "Hi."

Connor turns around and looks him in the eyes, nodding his head. "Hey."

"Um, what are you doing after school?" Evan asks.

Connor quirks an eyebrow. "Nothing. Why?"

"I was wondering if, um, if you w-wanted to come to the library with me after school to do homework. Alana and Zoe are, um, are gonna be there, but I don't know if Zoe's asked you yet." Evan mumbles.

"No, she hasn't." Connor thinks for a second before shrugging. "Sure, I'll go."

Evan smiles. "O-Okay! Um, Zoe can just show you where we sit."

Connor nods. "Okay, cool."

They both turn back to their work, starting the worksheet. A few minutes later though, Connor turns around to look at Evan again. "Hey, can you help? I don't really get this."

"S-Sure!" Connor grabs his paper, putting it on Evan's desk and turning around. Evan starts to explain the problem, realizing halfway through that Connor wasn't paying attention. The blond pokes his shoulder, getting his attention again.

"Huh?"

"You're not paying attention." Evan huffs.

Connor smiles sheepishly. "Sorry. I got distracted. Okay, start again. Promise I'll listen."

Evan does, and Connor asks questions as Evan guides him through the first problem. After explaining the next one, he prompts Connor to do number three by himself. When the brunet does so successfully, Evan grins.

"There! Do you understand it better now?"

"Yeah. Thanks." Connor gives him a small smile, grabbing his paper off Evan's desk and placing it on his own. Evan pretends not to be disappointed when Connor turns back around and starts to work alone once again.

Before he knew it, the bell was ringing, signalling the end of sixth period and passing to seventh. Evan stood up from his seat, heading towards the door when someone stops him.

"Hey Hansen, see you after school?" Connor asks.

Evan nods, trying but failing to hide the blush on his face. "Yup! See y-you after school."

With that, Evan walks out the door and heads to his seventh period.

\--

As soon as class ended, Evan was heading towards the library. Chemistry was kicking his ass lately, and the last thing he needed was to be in that classroom any longer than absolutely necessary.

He opens the door to the library, walking towards their usual spot. It had five beanbags shoved in a corner between some bookshelves no one ever looked through. There were two extra spots than Evan, Alana and Zoe needed, but they all figured it's better to have more room than not enough. Plus, this was the most secluded spot in the room, so it was perfect for the three friends.

"Evan!" Zoe exclaims as the blond turns around the corner of the bookshelf.

"Hey, Zo." Evan smiles. He looks at the figure next to her, blushing when Connor glances up. "H-Hey Connor."

The brunet waves, flashing him the smallest smile. Connor looks back down at his sketchbook, continuing whatever he was making. Evan sits down in his usual beanbag, which was right next to the one Connor was in.

"Where's Ala-"

"Hey guys!" Alana grins as she plops into her beanbag. Zoe grins.

"Hey Lana. How was seventh?"

Alana shrugs. "It was okay. We just kinda watched a movie, which is dumb. School's for learning, not watching stupid movies all period. But whatever."

"Yeah, that's kinda stupid." Zoe agrees. The two girls continue their conversation, leaving Evan to pretend to read some random book he found on his way in.

"Hey, did you finish the math worksheet?" Evan looks up and makes eye contact with Connor.

"Y-Yeah, did you?"

Connor shakes his head. "I got stuck on the last few. I would of asked for help, but it was the end of the period."

Evan bites his lip. "I can help now, if you want."

"Yeah, that'd be cool." Connor places his sketchbook to the side and takes out his math work. Evan pushes the book to the side and looks over at Connor.

"So, I get this right? But then when I get here I get lost." Connor tells him. Evan nods, and explains the problem.

"And there, now you're done." Evan smiles, turning to Connor.

"Oh," the brunet mutters. "that's it?"

Evan nods. "Y-Yeah, but the teacher went kind of fast. I mean, it's an honors class. But still."

"Yeah, he sucks as a teacher anyways." Connor shrugs.

"I guess." Evan bites his lip. The two are quiet for a moment, not knowing what to say. Evan takes a deep breath before speaking again. "What were you drawing?"

"Oh, I was just doodling." Connor picks up his sketchbook and opens it to the page he was just on. He turns it towards Evan.

On the page is a bunch of small, random doodles. One of a dog, one of a scenery, and a portrait that looks suspiciously close to him. He blushes slightly, but doesn't comment.

"Wow, Connor... You're amazing." Evan tells him. He looks up at Connor, who quirks a bit of a smile.

"Thanks, Evan." The blond nods. Their small moment is interrupted by Zoe. 

"Hey, do you guys wanna go get some food?" She asks them. 

Connor shrugs in response. "I could go for some McDonald's."

Alana speaks up. "McDonald's is extremely unhealthy. Did you know-"

"Alana, I really don't want you to finish that sentence." Connor cuts her off.

Alana shrugs. "I'm just saying."

Zoe turns towards Evan. "Food?"

"I guess."

"Perfect, lets go."

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys, i hope you enjoyed the first chapter.  
> idk when the next one will be up, hopefully within a week or two. i have a system going kinda.   
> well, im 18 now which means i can get my deh tattoo! not like i already dont have 6 of them, but im excited. my consultation is on thursday and its gonna say "you will be found"!!! ill post it on my tumblr (@/damagedlovers) when i end up getting it :)  
> ttyl!


End file.
